“The Ultimate Ultimatum” (Fantasy Magazine, August 1935)

The story opens in what appears to be a fantasy convention, with the assembly of authors introduced in comic and varied ways. August Derleth arrives with a stenographer in tow committed to churning out ten-thousand words per day no matter what happens; eventually he is shown furiously typing his own works with two typewriters, one for each hand. Clark Ashton Smith “had just completed a fantastic gargoyle—Listerine.” HP Lovecraft, Otto Binder, Stanley Weinbaum, and Ray Palmer were there, too, each of them subject to Bloch’s first published example of his distinctive sense of humor. There is a pair of robots names Mac and Mike—last name Rocosmic. The group has gathered to address an existential threat: Forrest J. Ackerman and Jack Darrow have threatened to stop writing letters to fantasy magazines unless their demands are satisfied. They want letters to them for a change, an autographed copy of the Necronomicon, and a baby ghoul. The assembly is horrified at the thought of losing such essential content knowing that the future existence of fantasy literature is at stake. They acceded to the demands, and all magazine covers now feature hooks like “Ackerman Letter in This Issue!” and the like.

​What a wonderful humor debut for Bloch! As we well know, he is a funny guy, and even his more horrific and terrifying writing is leavened with puns and jokes. This piece is huma all the way through with over-the-top characterizations and wordplay. For me, it reveals the person Bloch was and would become: someone who took great joy in the community he found in writing and the generosity with which he treated others. Nobody here is a villain, and yet everyone gets their ribs poked a bit by a friendly jester. It is about writers and fans and magazines and the whole fantasy scene in the mid-thirties. A very fun story!